Shifting Feelings

And the world seemed to turn upside down on Saturday. I haven’t changed my beliefs or what I care about - but suddenly how I react felt different.  I’m not interested in arguing about who is right or wrong. I’ve been moaning about the ugliness of the political discourse in the country. It’s been harder as we get closer to the general election not to feel it personally when someone attacks a candidate or a party that I am voting for. It’s not just that I disagree - it is the tenor of our discussions. 

It used to be so much easier. I usually vote Democratic but have Republican colleagues and friends. And it seemed for decades to be okay to good-naturedly agree to disagree. To even tease about it. Certainly that is no longer the case. In my head, I’ve accepted the fact that it might unavoidably change some relationships but I remain hopeful it will all work out. 

And then….Trump was shot. This man who I have come to fear and despise was targeted. And suddenly I could feel a shift within me. 

President Biden spoke to the nation: “…the need to lower the temperature in our politics. We may disagree, but we are not enemies. We're neighbors, we are friends and co-workers, citizens and most importantly we are fellow Americans. We must stand together.”

When trying to figure out why loved ones so vehemently feel the polar opposite of me, I have come to believe that we listen to a different drummer. We don’t get our news from the same resources. And we are all inundated with talking heads who believe that only they know what we should see and hear. I know that I won’t change anyone’s mind with rhetoric but in sharing real life experiences perhaps I can change perspectives. 

Sharing what it felt like to be a rape survivor and pregnant in my teens is one way I will try to make an impact. I was in California but abortion wasn’t legal and I had to get approval by a hospital board. I had to go to two psychiatrists to say that I would end my life if I was forced to carry the child to term. I was 15. One hospital turned me down. When finally approved, I had to stay overnight. My parents borrowed money to pay for the psychiatrists and the surgery and hospitalization. This was before Roe v Wade and it is where many parts of the country are again. I can put a face to it and I believe it helps others to see another side. Again, I was 15. 

Today Trump chose a vice presidential candidate who wants to outlaw abortions in all 50 states. Including victims of incest and rape. I will speak to everyone I know about my experience. These men cannot come into power.  Trump must be defeated. And suddenly, I feel my world shifting again. 

RIP All My Children

The Death of a Groundbreaking Show


The phone rang. My friend Carol yelled, “Phillip is alive!” and then she hung up. I immediately ran to the television and was transported to the town of Pine Valley where Ruth Martin had just learned that her son*, Phillip, who she (and the rest of us) believed was MIA in Vietnam, was alive. I will never forget the impact of that scene. All My Children had already in many ways legitimized the protests against the war. This was a soap opera with mainstream American characters that was breaking new ground with viewers. My affinity for this type of storytelling was born.

After a few years, I stopped watching. My hours changed so I was no longer home at noon. I would try to be home or near a TV on Fridays to keep up with “my shows” which were now Days of Our Lives and General Hospital. My college roommate and I hurried home from work and school in order to watch Marlena’s wedding. We dressed up. People thought we were nuts. We probably were.

Finally, I was able to record stories. Tastes changed and I found As the World Turns. Over the years, I would come home from work, kick off my heels, wiggle out of my pantyhose, pour a glass of wine and visit Oakdale.

ABC cancelled two of its three soap operas this week. I suppose I should be grateful that General Hospital was not cancelled - yet. But I am sad for the casts and crew and the many, many fans who I know must be heartbroken. When I heard that As the World Turns had been cancelled I felt like a friend had died. I feel sorry for the One Life to Live fans, too. And now there isn’t one daytime drama in New York. And what about the cast of All My Children who had to move to California to keep their jobs?

The cancellation of All My Children feels more like the true death rattle for soaps. Perhaps it is because many stories were groundbreaking. Erica’s abortion was the first on TV. Erica’s daughter came out as a lesbian (and subsequently married her partner in a big soap opera wedding).

My most recent visit back to Pine Valley was to watch the incredibly moving and well acted story of Jesse and Angie coming together again after two decades. They were the first African American “super couple” on a soap opera. I remember crying when Jesse “died” of a gunshot wound in 1988. To the music of Alicia Keyes, "Like You'll Never See Me Again", the choreography of the reunion scene at the train station was breathtaking. Although I had heard that the show had changed quite a bit, I knew that a show that could produce those episodes would always be with us. I was wrong.



*In true soap opera form, Phillip was actually Ruth’s nephew.

Moving On....

Wow. It''s been almost a year since I last posted anything. And it has been a good year. I'm happy with the decisions we've made, the places we traveled and our wonderful family and friends. Not feeling so good about this blog.

Went to a celebration yesterday and reconnected with people we haven't seen in a long time. Bob gave me his blog link and from that went to Leslie's blog. Let's just say that I feel like I could be enjoying blogging more. And I could do it better.

I hope in the next few weeks to do just that and concentrate more on things that I'm interested in and enjoy..........

Team Ruth

I've had this idea about "care teams" floating around in my mind for a number of years. But in the last week I was reminded of the concept when a friend and co-worker found out that her mother’s cancer had recurred. She was thinking of things that needed to be done for her mother - and we started talking about her support system.

The first time I was aware that I had assembled a support team was when I was diagnosed with a serious illness a number of years ago. It wasn’t the first time I had created a team but it was the first one that I recognized. It wasn’t until I finished a yearlong fairly brutal treatment program, that I realized that I wouldn't have survived that year without my team.

This morning I found something I wrote the following year:

I am on the train going to Berkeley and realizing that once again life has taken an unexpected and serious turn. I’ve been think about “care teams” or whatever I’ve called it in my mind since I was diagnosed quite a while ago.

Mother seemed to do well last year when I was in treatment, however, the last three or four months, her memory is getting impaired and she is frustrated easily. But until very recently she kept her wonderful independent spirit and joy for life. Last night she was depressed and crying. It is time to put together another team.

It started last night at dinner with our close friends. My friend is also on my mother’s durable power of attorney for health care and has known her for over 25 years. They immediately offered to help in any way they could.

Friends took a break from work and got me to the train. Another close friend is emailing me on my Blackberry websites of independent and assisted living places in Sacramento – just in case.

That was the last time I wrote about it and subsequently, we did form a great team for my mother. She moved to Sacramento and she and I assembled the team. Doctor, therapist (briefly), key family members and friends, hairdresser, care giver, etc….all became part of “Team Ruth”. And we knew that she could rely on everyone because we were all part of that team. However, this is the first time I’ve called it Team Ruth. And most of the team was there two years later when she was home with hospice care before she passed away. I guess that you could say that Yolo Hospice was the final member to join the team.

I’ve always wanted to write a book or article about this notion………I’m sure I’m not the first to think of it…but today it is just ramblings.

SWAN

I belong to a "giving circle". It is a group of women who get together once a month and by categories, present non-profit organizations that help people in our area. We have been in existence for over six years. My friend, Pam, founded the group. I was there. But she was the driving force. Over the years we have contributed almost $50,000 to local organizations. I have missed many meetings in the last three years - mainly due to my health issues and then my Mother moving up here. This year, I was determined to attend as much as I can.


Our meeting was tonight and once again I was struck by how much I enjoy this group of women. The attendees change each month. But once a member, always a member, unless you want to quit. So each meeting is a new experience. We share information about ourselves and organizations that we present. We also talk about making food for a homeless youth group (we provide dinner once a week), collect toiletries for a local women's shelter, etc... Every time I go, I am delighted to have been there.


Tonight I presented Yolo Hospice (http://www.yolohospice.org/), an organization very close to my heart because they helped us take care of my mother when we brought her home to die. I was so pleased that the group decided to donate to them. I hope that we all have a long time before having to deal with hospice or bereavement care for us or our families.....but what a blessing that they are there.


Recently SWAN (the giving circle) went online on Facebook...............please feel free to join at http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/pages/SWAN-Giving-Circle/101120038977?ref=mf.

Nonni

There really must be something to the circle of life. After my mother died fairly suddenly (although she was 89), Dylan's birth a couple of months later helped to heal my heart.

I love being his Nonni. Hours on end could be spent watching, playing and holding......

"And THAT's the way it is"

Rambling online - could be dangerous. Walter Cronkite dead at 92. A good long life. It is such a stark reminder of the way getting our news has changed. Hard to imagine events like Watergate, the JFK and MLK assassinations, etc... without him and to wonder how they would have been covered today. With 24 hours news and many "entertainment" shows, it seems we have been mourning the death of Michael Jackson on TV for many more hours of coverage than those events.

Just like Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein inspired so many journalism students for their coverage of Watergate, I like to think that Cronkite brought a better quality of news to the networks. But I don't think it lasted. Corporate involvement became bigger. It would be interesting to hear what Cronkite thought about today's news. And perhaps we will in the following days. When we learn more about what is happening on the streets of Iran from Twitter and Facebook than from the major networks - it is a very changed world from the days of Walter Cronkite broadcasts.