I've had this idea about "care teams" floating around in my mind for a number of years. But in the last week I was reminded of the concept when a friend and co-worker found out that her mother’s cancer had recurred. She was thinking of things that needed to be done for her mother - and we started talking about her support system.
The first time I was aware that I had assembled a support team was when I was diagnosed with a serious illness a number of years ago. It wasn’t the first time I had created a team but it was the first one that I recognized. It wasn’t until I finished a yearlong fairly brutal treatment program, that I realized that I wouldn't have survived that year without my team.
This morning I found something I wrote the following year:
I am on the train going to Berkeley and realizing that once again life has taken an unexpected and serious turn. I’ve been think about “care teams” or whatever I’ve called it in my mind since I was diagnosed quite a while ago.
Mother seemed to do well last year when I was in treatment, however, the last three or four months, her memory is getting impaired and she is frustrated easily. But until very recently she kept her wonderful independent spirit and joy for life. Last night she was depressed and crying. It is time to put together another team.
It started last night at dinner with our close friends. My friend is also on my mother’s durable power of attorney for health care and has known her for over 25 years. They immediately offered to help in any way they could.
Friends took a break from work and got me to the train. Another close friend is emailing me on my Blackberry websites of independent and assisted living places in Sacramento – just in case.
That was the last time I wrote about it and subsequently, we did form a great team for my mother. She moved to Sacramento and she and I assembled the team. Doctor, therapist (briefly), key family members and friends, hairdresser, care giver, etc….all became part of “Team Ruth”. And we knew that she could rely on everyone because we were all part of that team. However, this is the first time I’ve called it Team Ruth. And most of the team was there two years later when she was home with hospice care before she passed away. I guess that you could say that Yolo Hospice was the final member to join the team.
I’ve always wanted to write a book or article about this notion………I’m sure I’m not the first to think of it…but today it is just ramblings.
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It's hard to believe that it was 10 years ago that I was literally stopped in my tracks and forced to think about my parents' end-of-life situation, and how we were ever going to manage it. During the first couple of years, I was the only "child" living on California, so it was up to me to see that their needs were met, and I lived 35 miles from them, still working an 8 to 5 job! They were both adamant about remaining in their own home, and it would have been even more difficult to have them in my small condo! Thank goodness I had a very supportive group of co-workers and you, Cathy, my division manager and friend; otherwise, it would have been unbearable. I'm thankful, too, that my brother changed his life-plans and came home, and my sister and her husband retired and moved back to CA. We three made an awesome team, caring for our folks and arranging for others to provide their requisite medical needs. Dad lived 82 years, until 2002, and Mom was 87 in 2008 when she passed away. Both were able to stay in their home, with dignity to the end. It definitely takes a real team, whether it includes family, friends, volunteers, and/or professionals, to make this situation work well. Like Team Ruth, or our Newell Team, it must be a team that cares.
ReplyDeleteThis team care idea is powerful. Just as it takes a "village" to raise a child, so does it take a team/village to provide for our parents in their final steps. I honor your blogspot and ideas for banding together in a wonderful cause.
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